The most misunderstood thing about anxiety

Dear Anxious Person, 

I poured everything I know about getting good at anxiety into this course—the strategies, insights, and hard-won lessons from a lifetime of anxiety. I hope it helps you pursue your goals without fearing what might happen next. 

I've witnessed incredible progress in the people I've worked with. I know you, too, can experience this type of change. You just need to understand one thing: how anxiety really works. 

Let me explain by taking you to the start of my anxiety journey.

I've been to 27 Star Trek conventions in my life. It is almost inappropriate how happy they've made me. All that is, except one. One has been a source of constant torment in my life – my first. 

It's 1993. Ten-year-old me is at the San Jose Convention Center in Northern California. A full house of hardcore Trekkies erupts: 

"LEONARD!"

"NIMOY!"

"LEONARD!"

"NIMOY!"

Mr. Spock walks onto the stage. It's the moment I've been waiting for. 

Here comes my Star Trek vision of the future, where everyone is celebrated for who they are—just like Spock.  

At school, I'm the loner, the last one picked for sports, the one who, when kids see, they chant, "Prince Ali Ababwa!" 

(Disney's Aladdin was in theaters and I was one of the few brown kids in class) 

But here, things will be different. People will get me. I might even make a friend. 

But vision fails me. 

Nimoy's just a blur on a painfully bright stage. I can't see him. I can't see anyone.

Because I'm too worried that people might think I'm a weirdo – at a literal Star Trek convention – I stuff my glasses deep inside my front pocket and spend the day nearly blind. Too short-sighted to see the thousands of people who are just like me. 

I went home that night ashamed. I'd wasted a chance to see my hero. 

And I'd never felt so alone.

In all my years as an anxiety expert — feeling it, treating it, and teaching it — I always think back to that blurry moment with Spock.

Here’s what they look like with some of my patients: 

• The finance guy who was too scared to speak up at work, worried people would see his nerves.
• The NYU student whose world was shrinking because everything felt overwhelming. 
• Or the soon-to-be 30-year-old living with their parents, who felt like failures because they hadn’t “accomplished anything” yet. 

When you struggle with anxiety, small choices can lead to big regrets. You make an excuse for not going out, hold back when you have something to say, and put off a conversation you need to have.

But once you discover the truth about anxiety, you can change these patterns.

Your racing heart. Sweaty armpits. Difficulty breathing. All the stuff in your head. 

Anxiety shifts your attention to everything happening inside of you.

Racing thoughts about being exposed. Images of disaster. Calculating a way out of the situation you're in. 

Your instinct is to shut down your anxiety by hiding, escaping, and avoiding. 

That's what happened to me. 

And this is how anxiety robs you of the present moment. You get stuck in your internal universe, keeping you from learning what's happening in the real world.  

Replaying my blurry Spock moment and working with hundreds of people with anxiety disorders, I’ve realized something.

Knowing this changes how you experience anxiety. 

You stop trying to reduce anxiety…because you can't. It always comes back. Thirty years later, I still get anxious around other people. 

Instead of reducing the feeling, you refocus on what you need. 

That's how you get good at anxiety. Turning your attention away from your thoughts. Focusing on what’s happening in front of you. Living by what your senses reveal, not what your mind imagines.

You’ll learn much more about all that in this course. 

I’ll send you one lesson every day, but you can fast-forward to the next one whenever you want. 

But a heads up – this isn't a quick fix. Confidence won't come overnight. This is not about self-care tactics or simple affirmations. Your anxiety got here over YEARS. You must practice patience and curiosity to break free from its grip.

I've split the course into three chapters with five lessons each:

1. Understand your anxiety. 
2. Get good at anxiety. 
3. Live beyond anxiety.  

Before we start Chapter 1, I want you to teach me. 

What’s your big anxiety regret? Your blurry Spock moment? The thing that anxiety is keeping you from doing? The part of your life where you need to put your glasses on? 

And don't worry, no one else will see it (except me). 

Next time, I promise, no Star Trek. Until then, boldly go!

🖖🏽 Dr. Ali